i’m that dad who wants to start a garage band with all the other dads in the neighborhood but my wife wont let me
[whispers] i miss harry potter
[murmurs] i miSS HARRY POTTER
[exclaims] i misS HARRY POTTER
[yells] I MISS HARRY POTTER
[sCREAMS FROM THE ROOFTOPS WITH A MEGAPHONE] I MISS HARRY POTTER
wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said
"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"
then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming
100000000 points to mom.